If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, I don’t even know what I want anymore… you’re not alone.
And if you’ve ever wondered, Why do I keep attracting the same kind of man? you’re obviously not literally attracting the “same man” – but you may be choosing from the same place inside you.
Many women date by relying on chemistry, hoping things will “work out,” or using vague wish lists that sound good but don’t hold up in real life. If you’re dating after 60, I think you have a precious and poignant chance to choose from a new, clearer place now.
That’s why I want to share one of the most useful tools I teach: a simple three-column chart that helps you define what you want from the only three places that actually matter.
Your head.
Your heart.
And yes… your “hoo-ha” (chemistry).
It’s called the 3H method, and it can change how you choose – fast.
Why Relationships Fail Before They Even Start
Many relationships don’t fall apart because people are “bad.” They fall apart because one of the three voices inside you was ignored. Think of your past relationships that didn’t work.
Maybe your head knew it didn’t make sense – different lifestyles, goals, or values – but you stayed because the chemistry was strong.
Maybe your heart didn’t feel safe, but you stayed because he looked perfect on paper.
Or maybe the chemistry was missing, but you told yourself it “shouldn’t matter anymore.”
When head, heart, and chemistry aren’t all on board, you may end up saying yes to what’s familiar – but not what’s really right for you. The 3H chart is designed to stop that pattern.
What the 3H Chart Is
Draw three columns on paper (or in a notes app):
✅Head (practical compatibility)
✅Heart (emotional compatibility)
✅Hoo-ha (chemistry + physical compatibility)
Under each, list your top five to ten essentials. Not 25. Not 50. Just the core traits or values that actually determine whether a relationship works and feels good in your real life.
This chart isn’t meant to make you picky. It’s meant to make you honest.
Head: Does This Work in Real Life?
The “Head” column is about life structure and logistics – the things that can quietly doom a relationship even when you like each other.
Examples:
✅ Geographically compatible
✅ Similar lifestyle pace or goals
✅ Financial compatibility
✅ Compatible retirement vision
✅ Family situation works for both
✅ Health habits that align
✅ Same relationship goal (casual vs long-term)
You are not looking for someone the same as you, but rather for someone whose lifestyle and dreams can intertwine with yours easily.
Heart: How Does It Feel to Be with Him?
The “Heart” column is about emotional compatibility: communication, safety, warmth, and the day-to-day feeling of being with him.
Examples:
✅ Kind communication
✅ Emotionally steady
✅ Laughs easily and often
✅ Values honesty and growth
✅ I feel safe.
✅ We handle conflict without punishment or shutdown.
✅ Comfortable with the level of closeness/independence I want
This column brings you back to the key question: Does this nourish me and feel good?
Hoo-Ha: Yes, Chemistry Still Counts
Chemistry doesn’t disappear unless you tell it to.
And no, it’s not shallow to want attraction after 60. Intimacy is part of a romantic partnership.
Hoo-ha is not just looks. It’s physical compatibility in a full-body sense:
✅ I like the way we kiss and touch.
✅ I feel desire – and feel desired.
✅ We’re aligned on affection and closeness.
✅ We can talk about sex without shame or avoidance.
✅ The physical connection feels mutual and easy.
Your body gets a vote – without being allowed to run the whole election.
Four Mistakes to Avoid When Making Your Chart
1) Writing What You Don’t Want Instead of What You Do Want
“No health issues” becomes “takes care of himself.”
Words matter because they shape your mindset. Don’t start out negative.
2) Using Clichés Instead of Truth
“Tall, successful, funny” often means you’re chasing a feeling. Ask: What do I think I’ll feel if I get that? Then write the feeling: secure, feminine, joyful, relaxed.
3) Asking for What You Won’t Offer
If you want positivity, bring it. If you want adventure in a mate, live that way. A partner is a bonus – not a compensation for something lacking in you.
4) Describing Your Best Friend Instead of Your Romantic Partner
Many women accidentally write a chart that describes themselves. Keep your girlfriends. A partner should complement your life – not replace your whole friend community.
Your Simple Action Step:
This week, make your chart:
✅ Create three columns: Head, Heart, Hoo-ha
✅ List five to ten essentials in each
✅ Rewrite negatives into positive desires
✅ Replace clichés with the feeling you actually want
✅ Ask: Do I truly need this, or is it “nice to have”?
✅ Ask: Am I willing to offer this in return?
I know it’s hard to believe this person exists but if you can’t imagine him, you definitely won’t find him. And if you haven’t been looking for what you really want then no wonder you have not found him. It’s really never too late if it’s something you want.
Also read, Getting Ready to Date Again: Top 10 Things to Do.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you know what you really want in a man? Are those qualities that you’re lacking, or things you truly seek in a partner?