Human nature is that we don’t pay attention to things around us, until they happen to us personally. For example, if you were pregnant, you didn’t notice all of the pregnant women around you until you were pregnant yourself. Or you never noticed all of the drivers with vehicle X (pick one) until you started driving one yourself. Pet lovers, you never noticed who owns breed X until you owned breed X yourself.
Depressing Statistics
So, until I watched my mother become my father’s caregiver, I didn’t pay much attention to the statistics related to being a caregiver. They aren’t good. She joined the ranks of the more than 65 million people in the United States who provide care for family members or friends during any given year. About 63% of caregivers pass away before the one they were providing care for! Read that again. That is absolutely backwards from what we expect or are striving to accomplish.
Then of those that outlive the person they are caring for, 60% of survivors often pass away within 12 months after losing their loved one. Given those extreme statistics, I find November to be an especially important month each year, National Family Caregiver’s Month. We need to call attention to these awful, yet somewhat preventable, facts. Check out https://www.caregiver.org/ for more information.
The Perfect Storm
When we think about what a caregiver experiences, it is no wonder the numbers are so dismal. Our natural tendency when we are a caregiver is to put ourselves and our needs on the back burner. We don’t take care of ourselves like we should and our dietary, sleep, social, and exercise habits all suffer. Not to mention the impact on emotional health, family stability, workplace productivity if the caregiver is still working, and financial well-being. All creates the perfect recipe for a negative health event.
A Caregiving Advocate
Former First Lady Rosalyn Carter, who passed away in 2023 when she was 96, is known for her caregiving advocacy. She founded the Rosalyn Carter Institute for Caregivers back in 1987 to support caregivers with training, policy advocacy, and research. She is also famously known for one of the most quoted lines in caregiving advocacy:
“There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.”
Preparation Is Key
Truly then we must be aware that caregiving touches every life in some way. And being prepared for that time can help immensely. When my mother evolved into that role, my parents made sure their Powers of Attorney and will were updated. That made the eventual move to a care facility, after years at home, smoother from a paperwork and decision-making standpoint. One less stressor at an already stressful time was appreciated. No questions about who could decide or sign for what, and no need to get an attorney involved in a scramble. Whew!
Financial Stress
The most stressful part, aside from gradually losing my father to dementia which was a slow grieving process for both my parents, was financial for my mother. She had never been the one to take care of financial things. It wasn’t about the lack of finances, it was more about the comfort level in dealing with things she never had to do before (going through the mail, paying bills, withdrawing or transferring between accounts, etc.).
I was never more glad we had filled out a detailed Net Worth Summary (my favorite tool) years prior so that all of the resources were known, correctly titled with beneficiaries so I could help her without guessing what was in place for financial resources.
In the Calm Before the Storm
My mother and I lived the value of my “Before” Financial Checklist book, getting financially organized before there were any health or caregiver situations. Thinking clearly and acting rationally during well times is healthier for everyone in the family. Don’t wait until you are personally in a situation of need before you act on this topic.
While three-fourths of adult children surveyed acknowledge that having conversations about age-related topics is the responsible thing to do, 45% said their conversations were triggered by health crises. Care for yourself and your family now by creating your Net Worth Summary, during the calm. Everyone will be thankful for your gift of thoughtful actions later, during the storm.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you thought about a potential caregiving situation in your family? Are you organized and have current documents to make that a seamless and less stressful event? What experiences have you had that might help other women to be better prepared?